In this environment of consolidation and constant change, it pays to get to know the guy on the other side of your street (and, preferably, to genuinely like him).

There has always been a constant drumbeat of bashing between opposing firms and their employees. But as you voice your displeasure about an advisor at another firm, the fact that the street is getting smaller should be front and center in your thoughts. After all, you may be sitting right next to that person in a month.

Consider the example of two advisors I'll call Jake and Joe. They moved from Merrill Lynch to Smith Barney a few months ago. During the recruiting process, they also talked to Morgan Stanley. The Smith Barney manager was quick to say that Morgan was going out of business. Joe had been getting worried about the stock price and started believing that it may be true. Jake and Joe went to Smith Barney without informing Morgan of their decision. I think this was unprofessional, and I'm sure the Morgan branch manager would agree. What can be done now? Reaching out with an olive branch, a chuckle and a mea culpa-"Boy, did I make a mistake"-can work wonders when it comes to mending fences. Don't ignore it.

My office manager recently had a similar situation. A young team of three was headed out the door and had to choose between two prospective firms. The losing manager was desperate for people and pulling out all the stops to entice the brokers. But the advisors decided against him anyway because the "used car salesman" mentality didn't earn many points with them.

The branch manager called my office manager very upset and questioned her ethics of having them interview with many different firms. She explained that she's an independent recruiter and needs to look out for the best interests of her candidates. The branch manager seemed soothed by the end of the conversation, but my office manager now has reservations about sending recruits his way since he can flip on a dime.

Another broker, Ted, has been doing his best to move his book to a new firm. And his ex-team is working against the protocol that they all signed. They spend their time poring over his top clients and offering the world to these people. Anything from a year of free trades to offers to "fly out to see you." (Hardly a hardship since the flight was to Vegas!) And when Ted subsequently had to deal with a loss in his family, one of the ex-teammates knew that Ted would be out of the office for a couple weeks and used the time to try to gain ground. Unfortunately for the ghoulish former colleagues, Ted's clients were aware of the loss and thought it was horrible that they would be speaking poorly of him during this time. One of the clients was confused why the broker wanted to visit him. "I don't even know this guy, why would I want him coming to visit me?" I agree, Mr. Client! I wouldn't want that creep coming to visit either.

That former team is now interviewing at Ted's new firm. I'm not sure it's going to work out, considering they were bashing Ted not even a month ago. Unfortunately for that team, there aren't a lot of firms left and they have bashed the best alternative they have.

And that illustrates an all too common problem: There is a big difference between bantering with your friends at other firms and tearing apart what may be your own future. This has been a tough year and a half for us all. But, being unprofessional or vengeful right now simply doesn't work because it hits too close to home and can ultimately impact your life for the worse.

Carri DegEnhardt-Burke runs Degenhardt Consulting in Jersey City, N.J. For more information, call 201-395-0222 or visit www.degenhardtconsulting.com.